THAT THING- Labor of Love

Spianch egg souflle - soufflé dish by Pier 1 imports

When you continue or begin (again!) moving towards gaining mental prosperity head space, you will once again take up fascination in the things that once keenly interested you; those things that you always enjoyed that you never expected you would. These are things, hobbies or “quirky interests” that you weren’t necessarily trying to excel at, yet, just interested you. And as we all know, practice makes perfect. After a while of feeding this passion, you end up with immense enjoyment whenever you have opportunity to partake in it, all the while looking for ways to now, excel at it.

For any newcomers (to this blog or to recognizing valuable space diminishing from your emotional well being) just for the sake of clarity, keep in mind that we are speaking about functional depression, high functioning depression, and/or depression brought on by life events. This “thing” or passion should never be self-destructive, nor cause harm to others in your practice of it. We all know ANYTHING in excess and indulged in without regard for self or others has the potential for becoming unhealthy and destructive, even if not intended (like food, which is where this piece is going!)

If you or someone you know think you may be clinically depressed, described as major (severe) or persistent (in need of ongoing therapy and/or medication to control thoughts of suicide and/or assist with most daily activities, worthlessness, chronic sadness, etc.) I must insist that you seek professional help (remember- those words are not bad words). In fact I recommend it for everyone at least once- I did and it probably saved my life).

So, I did mention that this entry was about food right?! So let’s get into it. I’m not sure when I knew I was a “foodie”- or in more simply put terms- greedy as hell. I mean, I never really thought that much about food beyond what my parents put on the table for us three, later four kids to eat. I was never very discriminating about what I was eating or how it was prepared, or even, where it came from. When you were called to eat, you ate. And you were expected to eat EVERYTHING on your plate, whether you asked for it or not. Don’t get me wrong, my mom was an excellent cook! We were doubly blessed because my grandmother lived downstairs in the 3 family house my parents owned and we were treated to more deliciously, gluttonous foods by way of that perfect setup. As I type this I can smell my grandmother’s homemade yeast rolls that I loved so much and her homemade fresh brewed iced tea.

I recall my sister and my mother in the kitchen baking, myself always perched in a chair waiting to be handed a beater or spatula to lick clean. Really I was hoping for the bowl instead!

There was never a shortage of foods and let’s be clear, I’m talking about homemade everything, fresh ingredients, carefully planned and prepared meals where we all sat down to eat together. I could go on and on about my memories of such bliss, but I’m getting hungry and it’s late.

I have said more than once I believe that experiences in your life are purposeful, they are not happenstance. For me, my love of the kitchen as a young child was in the gadgets & tools, pots & pans. The graters, the peelers, the mixers, the correct pans for each dish, setting the table, the proper glass for water or tea. I was absolutely fascinated by these things. I just know that kitchen gadgets bring me joy. In my less than desirable kitchen right now, I probably have every tool, dish, platter, gadget etc that I need to host a fancy dinner party (for two lol).

Fast forward to the year 1991 (or so- my memory is horrible!) but I do remember that my son who was born in 1988, was a small toddler, cutest thing ever. I landed a job at Macy’s in Downtown Newark, NJ. It was THE place to work back then. And my son’s daycare was right down the street. Priceless. I was hired as a floater- meaning you worked in whatever department they needed you at the time, and initially I was assigned to the Housewares Department (cue the angelic singing!)

I was amidst gadgets galore! Fine china, tablecloths, pots, pans, blenders, glasses, silverware, napkin rings, zesters, and a few older folks willing to teach me the ropes, specifically Mr. Jack- can’t remember is last name- but everybody in Newark knew who he was. He was the coolest man ever and he and I became great co-workers despite the age difference. He taught me a lot about that department. I gathered from our conversations that he had learned what he knew over the years he was there; (MANY!) not that he had a particular hankering for it. But experience is experience if you care about what you do.

I took what he taught me and wanted more. How much heat could this pan stand? T-Fal vs. Calphalon? Macy’s Brand Tools of the Trade- was it any good? I floated around a few departments in that Macy’s but I always got asked back to Housewares because I knew my stuff.

Never one to pass up a sale, I purchased quite a few things that I really had no use for at the time. While I did make efforts to feed my son home cooked food, holding down two jobs did not allow much time for anything other than spaghetti, peanut butter and jelly, and the occasional lasagna, (It was his favorite- but expensive) to name a few. So what do you do with a kitchen full of gadgets, pots, pans, cookers and the like? You learn to cook! Eventually, I became a pretty decent cook (with lots of help from my more seasoned friends, Ode to Monica!), and some of my favorite dishes I have made my own and perfected.  Albeit it at a very slow pace.  If you get an invite to a dinner from me, please be late!

Ok, I'm getting around to the reason for this post, I hope you enjoyed the background! I invited a friend over today for dinner and he remarked that I’m probably the slowest cook ever, especially since this meal involved NO meat or real intricate preparation. I don’t claim to be a chef, but I CAN chef it up at least, and I like to think maybe that adds to the flavor of my foods, because I put the time and effort in. Granted, the wait time is long as hell, but here, have some snacks!

The lesson: For the past several weeks I had been experiencing feelings of depression and with that, had not had the desire to cook, or really eat for that matter. I was hungry, but nothing I ate satisfied me. I was angry often about FOOD, because I didn’t want what was presented to me. I literally became an emotional wreck over FOOD.

That “thing” that I liked so much was missing. That “thing” that gave me an outlet, that sparked my interest, that I was good at, that gave me worth in my eyes, that provided for me to be happy with what I was eating (trying to stay healthy). One of the signs of depression is lack of interst in activities or things you normally enjoy. THIS. WAS. MY. THING. It’s important to know your triggers, but it’s also important to know how to self care, and combat those triggers. Today I fought my triggers and decided to cook, something so simple yet I felt elated. It could have been the company as well, and the fact that he did enjoy the food. Had he not, it would have been embarrassing I suppose, however, the labor of love that it took me to prepare that food, was golden. I shopped for it, (if you grow your own- even better!) I planned it, I prepped and cooked it, I watched over it, I seasoned it, I plated it (wait did I?) and I invited someone I really enjoy to enjoy it with me. It all seemed so simple (Ode to Lauryn Hill again- did ya'll catch that at all??)

Find your thing and let it be your labor of love. Don’t forsake it for anything, for all the dinner invites in the world. Go buy that new spice you’ve not used or heard of before. Get in there with your music/wine/lemon water/whatever, and your intention of spending a few hours with yourself and your thing. LABOR over it. LOVE IT. Perfect it. Make it YOUR THING that you know you can turn to time and time again for renewal, and reassurance that you are just that one thing away from happiness (again). Don’t give up on your things and don’t give up on you. Just don’t expect others to be as patient. In the end however they will be appreciative, for the renewed and refreshed you, (and the meal- or whatever your thing is!).

Sound off below- what is your thing or things that help you push through when things are tough?? Sharing your experiences is so very helpful to everyone, so feel free to share this post if so inclined. Love Always.